Sex and the kutty

another long weekend, this time its monday off for the kannada rajyotsava.. holidays are like runs in cricket, dont matter how they come, so long as they come..:)
oh, for the few who are not familiar with MTV’s ‘lola kutty’ or south indian lingo, ‘kutty’ means,among other things ‘child’.. the title is based on a good fwd i read, ordinarily i would have put it under trivia, but it gives a good lesson on how the template works, so it is the post itself..
so, heres the fwd
A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working,and asks him: – “Daddy, what’s Sex?”.
“OK!” He thinks…this day was bound to come, and I am not going to let my little princess learn about Sex from the streets.He sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse,sperms and eggs. He tells her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet dreams…..
Then she asks:- “Daddy, what is “A Couple?”

He carries on: a couple are the two people involved in sex, but this can be two males also who we call gays, or two females who we call lesbians, and goes on to describe oral sex, group sex, pornography, bondage and rape, paedophilia, sex toys, etc…:
The father finally asks:- “So why did you want to know about “a couple” and “Sex”?
“Oh, mummy said lunch will be ready in a couple of secs…”

until next time, this is food for thought :)

Losing my religion

Part 1 – Templates

a few days back, someone excitedly brought his laptop over to me, and showed me a mail.it was a series of basic mathematic addition questions,which had to be answered as quickly as possible, but the last question was to name a color and a tool – i said ‘red hammer’… he scrolled down and the mail said “red hammer”. he had said red hammer too, we tried it on some more people, and around 90% said ‘red hammer’, which figured, coz the mail said around 90% inthe world would say ‘red hammer’.
consider this- you go for a movie -second show. during the break, you go to the loo, in the next cubicle u see a friend and 90% of us would say “what are you doing here?”
countless situations where we thought ‘i was about to say that’….the same music we like, the same tv shows, the same content in blogs, the feeling of deja vu in numerous situations… all what we call coincidences…
and so, the hypothesis – templates, many in number, but yes, all of us templates nevertheless, programmed to respond in a certain way in a certain sitiuation… which is why there are only so many responses to any sitiuations, which is why inventions and discoveries arent exactly common…you think matrix, predictable :) , so far maybe, but here’s where the hypothesis deviates because we are not having any ‘machine conspiracy’ around..
lets deviate a little anyway, when you get back home today, try thinking about what you did for the last hour, not the easy response of a generic answer “i was travelling back from work”, but a minute by minute recall…you would find that most of the actions were on auto pilot, like changing gears in a car…and therefore you wouldnt remember…
another lil experiment for you, on a regular working day,can you go without saying ‘hi’?.. you would perhaps remember not to say it for an hour, then ‘auto pilot’ would take over…back to the hypothesis, all of us have an auto pilot, all of us also have a higher being inside us, a being constantly ignored in favour of the easier ‘auto pilot’, but extremely important, nevertheless..why? that is for later parts.
until next time, be unpredictable :)

Mission Mars

Since this is a long weekend, and I am already in clutches of one of my most fave emotions – laziness, I came to the early conclusion that I couldn’t get myself to write an original post.Wokay, now that that is done with, let me present you an adapted version of a cool forward I got a few days back. Bangalore readers will identify with it promptly, and as for readers from others places, well, india may be a land of diversity in a lot of things, but as far as quality of roads go, we share a common pride..hehe..so here goes
Bangalore 2.a.m.

a time of the night when loneliness is the only companion, shadows the only followers, and beer, the only fuel. He was bouncing away merrily on his bike, when some bright lights stopped him. Yippee, movie shooting, he thought, will get to see some stars tonight. But, wait..uh oh!! I’m going to be kidnapped and they are going to do experiments on me, but wait again, this is no alien landing either.
He saw a well-clad man of foreign origin, and started walking towards him.
“Shhh”, cautioned the man.
Softly he asked ” What’s happening brother?”.
“NASA…”the man whispered, “I am Dr. Morgan from the Mission Mars programme”.
A thought crossed his mind, “i am not the only one who’s had beer”
But, on watching a few men in spacesuits bumping around, he realised the man was speaking the truth. He got talking to Dr.Morgan and was informed that NASA had been trying to create surroundings that would resemble the rocky, crater filled Southern Hemisphere of Mars and had failed miserably.This led to a desperate search for test sites on planet earth.
Very few places on earth qualified, only Iraq (exploded Oil Wells), Sri Lanka, and Bangalore’s own Bannerghatta Road.
With Iraq ruled out as a high-risk venture, and no shooting possible in Sri Lanka because of the prevailing cease fire (bush handled this personally?!!), India was the only feasible option. Plus the costs were rock bottom. And although a few questions were posed on yet another outsourcing to bangalore, they were quickly resolved, because of the unparalleled surface that Bannerghatta road offered.
The Mars rover and Endeavour were bouncing away too, on the rugged surface.
Suddenly, he spotted the CM standing quietly in the distance. He walked up to him and smiled. The CM nodded, smiling softly.
He looked at the CM enquiringly and asked “Was this your idea”?
“Yes” the CM said almost humbly, too modest to acknowledge the enormity of his effort.
“So, what’s in it for us?” he probed.
“Millions of dollars, that’s what they have promised, and once this gets approved as a broken earth site it will be used regularly, for other missions too. I also have plans of breaking up the other roads, which are happening under the guise of flyovers” the CM confided.
He shuddered at the enormity of the attempt. How all of us puny Bangaloreans cribbed, raved and ranted every time we came across a broken road. How blind we have all been, eyes shut, we refused to view the big picture. Every bad road is a million-dollar opportunity. He silently bade farewells to Dr. Morgan and the CM and rode away.
As he reached the BTM flyover, he got a flat tyre, he looked down at the guilty protruding rockfragment, and uncharacteristically smiled. Pushing the bike slowly, he thought to himself “the martians must be green with envy”

until next time, enjoy the ride

Am I Doing Something – about it…..?

A topic i had wanted to write on since i saw ‘phir milenge’..(when i saw ‘philadelphia’, i wasnt blogging)….
for a long time, i had maintained that awareness kills fear..the child’s fear of the dark, for example – once it realises that there is nothing in the dark that causes harm, it loses the fear.although there are a lot of things which dont fall under this categorisation, those, i believe,are things that we dont have complete info about..
AIDS – a phenomenon that is perhaps mankind’s greatest threat ever, because even awareness isnot moving people away from its most usual modes of transmission, and it can strike you by no fault of yours – blood transfusion, infected syringes, certain organ transplants etc. but, it definitely cannot be transmitted by borrowing clothes from an HIV person, sharing of utensils, drinking from the same glass with the person with HIV/AIDS, shaking of hands, embracing,or even kissing an infected person…. yes, i know all of this, all of us who are aware of the disease know this…
but inspite of this awareness, i am not sure if i could bring myself to share clothes with an HIV infected person, to hug him, to maybe even sit close to him ..
it is certainly not lack of awareness thats causing this fear.. is it because i am also aware ofmy mortality but unaware of what lies ahead of me after death? will it take that awareness to get over a fear of something i know about? i, for one,hope not, and the day i get over this fear, i will be a happy man….

Senses and Sensibleness

No, i am not about to do a Gurinder Chadha on “sense and sensibility”.this is in a totally different context.
ever since the dawn of the internet era, the term ‘virtual’ has come to be used in a whole lot of diverse fields. i, for one, am looking forward to a lot of stuff that can be done with virtual reality, in the gaming context ;)
things are happening, and will continue to happen in this field, and judging by the way more and more people are getting e-literate, all these things will get transferred to more and more people, in the days to come.
now, there are five senses that we humans are familiar with (lets forget about ESP and manoj shyamalan for now) – sight, sound, touch,taste and smell. of these, we have managed to bring sight and sound online. i still dont know if we have managed to bring any of the other stuff online, my limited knowledge says no! even with two senses, the amount of cyber crime based on these two are of alarming proportions, and affecting people of all age, gender, geography etc. net etiquette is something a limited few practise.
with the current rate of technological growth, it is not going to be long before some smart one finds a way to get the other three senses also to find their way online. i might get to try out a shirt on fabmart, buy a burger from mcdonalds after having a bite of it, or buy a perfume after getting a whiff of it, all online.
we will undoubtedly become smart enough to get all senses online, but whether we have the sensibility to handle it is a totally different ball game.
so until next time, be sensible…..

Before Baazigar

a couple of days back, there were some VIPs in office, and all of us were asked to be on our best behaviour, and loud noises were met with cold glares that said ‘dont you know they are here?’…..
it took me to a whole long time back , to a school which used to have school inspectors, who, like the mythological king mahabali (for whose visit we celebrate onam..grrr, i am digressing) used to come once a year to monitor the school’s standards.he used to visit all the classes, and sometimes, if he actually took his job seriously, visit some classes twice. now, all teachers had their ‘poster boys’ who were chosen to answer the questions posed by the inspector. (it reminds me of the first scene in troy, where, to avoid the losses of battle, the two kings let their best fighters take on each other, oh, but i am digressing again).
once, the inspector refused to let the teacher choose, and insisted he would leave the question open,but little did he know that the wily teacher had anticipated this possibility too, and had forbidden anyone else but the chosen one to raise their hand. but the inspector was adamant, he posed the question to the girl next to the chosen one.
a little history, the job of the chosen one wasnt as easy as it looks on the monitor. you should remember that he was the flagbearer of the entire class, and carried the expectations of the teacher and perhaps the school itself. it was not confidence that killed the butterflies in his stomach, it was ambivalent feelings – if he got the answer right, he would continue to recieve adulation as the chosen one, if he got it wrong, well, the wretched job would be taken off his shoulders.. and for the few butterflies that did remain, you can blame the ego…
back to the story now, the girl didnt know the answer, she looked pleadingly at the chosen one,but with the inspector staring at him, he chickened and stared straight ahead….
for the girl, the poster boy had transformed into the first anti hero of our generation.. it certainly wasn’t SRK !!
and since we are on the subject, here are a couple of toons..um, not exactly for children, but..

until next time, know your role….

Game Theory Revisited

1978 : rattles (educated guess)
1980 : assorted dolls, building blocks
1982 : wooden ksrtc (kerala govt transport) bus,lorry,plastic cars
1984 : plastic/metal robots, Lego (thanks to dad’s US trip), guns (toy, that is), snakes and ladders
1986 : Rambo stuff (bow & arrow, guns..the works), cricket, ludo
1988 : scrabbles, hockey
1990 : monopoly, indoor cricket
1992 : mortal combat, steet fighter, memory!!
1994 : cricket, dumb charades, walkman
1996 : roadrash, Life
1998 : claw, mario
2000 : need for speed, duke
2002 : snake, mpeg downloads ;)
2004 : monopoly, claw, colony, discman……

once upon a long time ago, hours could be spent playing any of these games..over time, the sheer joy the toys used to give, has given way to faster bouts of fatigue/boredom and the quest for an elusive ‘something’… growing up or growing down, who’s to say? ….ironical that more the choices, more the intensity of the quest……
the toys have changed, the child remains…

Freaky Friday

i had promised myself that i wouldnt give this blog a ‘my diary’ feel, but have to chronicle this, so it can serve as a benchmark for later days –
it all started with D preponing the weekend laziness and saying that she would go to office late . me having built a system of timelines, even this tiny aberration was enough to cause a bug in my system, due to which i got delayed too, a marginal 15 minutes, but delayed nevertheless. during travel time to office, i cajoled my system into a feel good mood.
less than a kilometer from the office, the kiney decides to prepone the weekend laziness and refuses to respond to auto start, kick start or any bludy start, all this only 4 days after a full servicing.i started dragging it (hate leaving it) , saw a closed workshop on the way, and finally reached an open one a kilometre later (in a direction away from the office). Got the kiney repaired in one hour, and gotto watch a Sony Playstation go through a cleaning session with an equipment they usually use to check tyre pressure…i swear!!
cajoled my system into feeling good again, only to promptly crash into an auto that turned without a signal… the traffic policeman also supported me, but couldnt get the auto guy to pay for the broken helmet visor, rear view mirror and the mental trauma…only solace was that i changed his relationship with his mom, sister (if he has one) etc…. forever, hopefully..grrrr
got to office, the comp system hung twice before realising it was only a friday and not the weekend… had almost brought my system into normal mode when a colleague literally marched by and insisted he wouldnt stop till i marched with him, the excuse being that i would forget marching (the last time i marched was in std xii).. the logic that there was no reason for me to remember it anyways, did not appeal to him…..that is the last thing i remember on friday, my system hung!!
P.S just in case you though it was over, i got a message at 10 pm on saturday to let me know that i’d have to grace the office with my presence on sunday.
until next time, drive safe….

The Practice

Amazing – was the only word they could use to describe his practice. he had a medicine for every ailment under the sky. his critics would argue that almost all doctors did, but his patients swore that he would consider the worst of the diseases they had as common ailments that everyone got, and therefore the cure also came from simple medicines (not that they knew simple from complex ones)- gelusil/milk of magnesia for the stomach, incidal/actifed for the cold, brufen for body pain and his personal favourite – crocin for , well, almost everything else.sometimes he even used alternative treatment measures like homeopathy or ayurveda. and he insisted on giving all the medicines himself, so his patients were spared the costs. oh, they loved him !!
the critics were also skeptical about whether all these treatments were according to accepted practices, coz no one had seen anything that suggested that he was indeed qualified,and well, he was so young!! they hesitated to go to the authorities because his popularity was immense, and besides, there was no reason to be afraid because none of the medicines he gave could be fatal or even produce any side effects, coz well, the beauty of his treatments lay in their simplicity. what was even more confounding was that almost all his patients were his peers, and it was only rarely that he gave medicines to older folk, in fact that was only when he knew that they had no other sources for treatment……
meanwhile, he had his own reasons for his ‘strange’ practice – the primary reason was that he loved the adulation, the way his peers looked upto him and relied on him to treat them. and to be fair to him, he also didnt like to see anyone suffering.
he would have loved to continue this forever, but he had his share of problems, mainly two- one was that his sources were secret,and couldnt be expected to last forever and two, his parents didnt approve of this. in fact he had been severely reprimanded at least a couple of times. he was told that he was dealing with human life here, and if something happened to his patients, he would be held responsible, but he was confident.
he had already understood it took a lot to become a great doctor, and judging from his patients’ reaction, he was already on the way.
this went on for two years, and then unfortunately, he had to move on to a different place, a place where he couldnt practice.
Amazing was the only way i could describe the practice, because the critics were right- i was only in primary school and still had more than a decade to go before i could make a career choice on whether to become a doctor or not.
until next time, practise ……

A Shark’s Tale

Disclaimer : For those expecting a children’s movie review, uh uh!!

For years and years he had roamed the high seas, though his movements were restricted to only the ones near to this subcontinent. he had migrated from an ocean elsewhere, he could only remember that it was westwards. well, he could also remember that survival was much easier there, and then.. and that he had left the place because there were too many like him there.
around the time, he got here, times were good, because there were thousands of poor people who were forced to come to sea to feed themselves and take of other needs, theirs and their families’. also, the seas were extremely useful for trade.thus, for various reasons, people slowly got used to being at sea, they then ventured farther out, and the more they ventured, the more they got used, and the cycle continued. all the better for him, because the more they ventured out, the brighter his chances became.
then suddenly, times started to change. an old, bald man with a stick came on the scene, taught them to weave and be self sufficient, slowly people stopped venturing out to sea.
there were still some who did, but then the factories started coming up, industries blossomed and the people could feed themselves without going out to the sea. people were satisfied with the choices they had, and those who werent always found ways to smuggle things in.
times got so bad that he had considered going back westwards where (he had heard) things were much better, but then some new phenomena started coming to this land, and suddenly things started getting better, because these phenomena brought with them a whole lot of choices, and suddenly the people found they no longer could be self sufficient. they started contemplating the sea again, and just when he thought it couldnt get better, he suddenly found a new and a much more subtle but shrewd ally..they called it a credit card..
a major portion of people who used it ended up venturing into the sea, enjoying it momentarily before reaching a stage, when they were totally at sea…..
a smile found its way back to his face, for you see, he was no ordinary shark, he was a loan shark!!
until next time, take the credit !!