Monthly Archives: December 2004

A New Ear

for all the nonsense we hear around us……

Manmohan Singh will discover the man within like a certain Mohan Bhargava we know, and stop singing Italian tunes.
Americans will have a new president as George W Bush gives up the presidency in favour of his long cherished ambition – to become a permanent faculty at america’s premier institute – MIT- institute for the Most Insane Truants.
Nipplegate will become a tradition at Superbowl, with actresses, models, singers, socialites all vying for the honour (of course there will be a live telecast by DD)
Uma Bharti will feature in an Adnan sami video, thus giving cross border cultural relations the much needed boost.
Shahid and Kareena will tie up with Airtel to provide live lessons of mouth to mouth resusciation so that people can use it on other people when the need arises.
Chandrababu Naidu’s plans will become the blueprint for development activities in all states.
Real Madrid will pay the biggest contract amount ever to get Bhaichung Bhutia and complete their star ensemble.
Yechury and his ilk will be sent to his beloved land Russia, to be more specific, Siberia, forever.
Potholes will be found only in museums as they would be a thing of the past.
Traditional Indian stuff will make a huge comeback as things like sari (with accessories like blouse) and karva chauth will be endorsed by Mallika Sherawat, Neha Dhupia etc.
Sourav Ganguly will become the first non playing captain ever, in the history of the game.
Women will be legally permitted to cut off the appendages of men who try to use it on them without their permission.
I will convince myself that the paunch i possess is not an integrated 6 pack.
School children will use MMS for more constructive purposes like copying during exams.
Holland will take on Bangladesh and India in a triangular series to decide the #1 team in one day internationals.
Laloo Prasad Yadav will be given charge of the ministry of animal husbandry so that he can manage buffaloes and other ministers, and keep his nose out of mechanical contraptions like trains which are beyond his scope of reality.
Indians will find it in their hearts to outsource labour intensive work like construction to developing nations like USA.
Seers will take over the business activities of bhais, and corporates like Ambanis will seek them to eliminate those who try to bring out shady deals.
TV ads without Amitabh Bachhan will be back.

That, if you look closely was literally the manuscrypts wishlist for the year 2005, some with tongue in check, while others with tongue firmly in cheek.

until next time, go get that new year…. and spare a thought, a prayer and anything else you can spare for the less fortunate. this might be of help. (thanks kraz)

The Cemetery

he had the graveyard shift today. unlike others, he always had it, because after all he was watching over the cemetry.. but again, unlike others, he liked this, watching over the remains of an existence that once was.. youth, old, male, female.. once in the cemetry age, sex, nationality , nothing mattered…. to the monitors that scanned the cemetry they were all the same.
they would not have spared their mortality a thought while they existed. it was only when age and fatigue slowly crept up on them that some of them would have even thought about mortality.. of course there were some who were so young that they werent capable of such thoughts, their existence was as though a little kid was given control of the life creating mechanism- the kid crated the life, then, treated it like most of his other toys- played with it till he got bored and then either ignored it or snuffed its existence… yes, these little ones deserved pity, for they did not know what it was to grow, and grow old; they didnt have the time to love enough, or be loved enough, in their short burst of existence they were given a glimpse…
the majority of the occupants were ones that had gone through the entire life cycle, felt the pain and joy of existence, felt happiness, sorrow, anger, hate, envy, love, peace, companionship and all the thrills and frills of existence…
his job was to guard the cemetry, from gravediggers, who came to pilfer from the remains of what once was.. but that was the lesser part of the job, there was another part which actually made the job interesting to him.. sometimes while he sat staring at the monitors, he would suddenly detect an occupant coming back to life..strange, but true!!
for these were no ordinary cemetries, they were giant servers – virtual cemetries, that housed blogs which had ceased to exist, and to him, there was no sight more thrilling than a blogger becoming active again…
this one’s for all those blogs i once used to read, for those who have moved on….
until next time, think about the symmetry…

Doctor who ?

It wasnt a normal delivery, and the doctor certainly didnt appreciate it. For although midnight and early morning deliveries were quite common, he still wasnt accustomed to them. he would have still not minded it, except for two things – the father who was sulking, and the fact that the couple had chosen not to have the delivery in a hospital. must be one of those new fangled ideas that youngsters today came up with…
the father claimed that this was a premature delivery, and the doctor also felt that there was something else that was bothering him. but the doctor was still of the opinion that the father had no right to sulk, for only a madman would have brought his wife on a roadtrip in such a late state of pregnancy!! amazingly, in spite of all this, the woman in question was quite calm, as though she could see beyond all this. in contrast, the doctor was bemused by all the eyes that were focused on him, human and animal, for it looked like all the animals in the vicinity had decided to take an intetest in the pregnancy, maybe it was some primitive bond they shared.
thankfully though there was no light, the candles and the extra shiny night sky made sure that visibility was not a problem. as he was tussling with the pregnant situation, the scene became more bizarre. in walked three people. and no ordinary ones, at least one he certainly recognised, and two others he thought he did, but couldnt place… with a supreme effort, he concentrated on his job, and though it was a difficult one, he was finally rewarded.
a beautiful, smiling boy. and as though a pleasant message was delivered to him, the father was suddenly all smiles. as the visitors and the father congratulated the doctor on the good work, the father murmured,“he’s not mine, but i’ll raise him like a son of god”.
the doctor looked into the baby’s eyes, and was suddenly filled with peace. but he had a sneaking suspicion that his role in all this would be edited in the annals of history. but, inspite of that thought, he decided he would remember this day and celebrate it every year….
until next time, merry christmas…

Benchmarks

I used to hate them… they were different at different stages in life, but they were always there.. at every stage – to mock, to ridicule.. to dare, to challenge, to provoke..
and they were never the same person… from the kid who got better marks than me in class 1 to the one who got the first prize in music/ quiz/ debate… to the cousin who managed to get an engineering/medicine admission to some slightly older distant relative who managed to go to the US… to the peer who got into IIT to the ones who earn more than me now… the challenges were good in the beginning, and with luck playing a major part, the ego used to have many days to gloat.. until one day, it finally dawned on me that if it continued in the same fashion, the battles would never end, there would always be a new ‘benchmark person’ around the corner… and also, that while i was chasing ‘targets’, i was automatically becoming a target myself… i was also gradually becoming the ‘benchmark persons’ i hated…..
i stopped active participation..and followed the floyd mantra as in ‘the fletcher home memorial’
“take your overgrown infants ,
and build them a home,
a place of their own’…….”
“..did they expect us to treat them with any respect,
they can polish their medals and sharpen their smiles,
and abuse themselves playing games for a while,
boom boom bang bang lie down you’re dead……..”

but sometimes i wonder if i have actually got rid of them … because even now, when i am seemingly ‘in control’ of my life, and forced justifications arent necessary.. i guess they still exist in my mind..but times are different, i dont acknowledge battles now, i sneak up, in my own time, and move on…hehe…not a nice habit, i know…. old habits die hard…. but die they will…..
until next time, be game….

P.S : message for ash : cant comment on your site. they accuse my IP of spamming .. :(

The Bestseller

She sighed, putting the final touches to her latest creation. one would have thought that after so many of them, lethargy would set in and she would stop. but no, it was as though she understood that she was in a league of her own, and on her depended the future. well, if truth be told, in her line of work, she was the past, present and future.
sometimes she wondered if people really had a choice. not really, because if she discounted the guy whose very existence was thanks to her (he added his own flavours to her creations, and rarely took pains to be original), she had unchallenged supremacy. but these days, he was suddenly becoming more than a slight irritant, because his flavours were fast growing in popularity. she often wondered why, because personally, he found his style quite morbid and gruesome.
she also wondered if she should style herself that way,but she loved her characters too much, many of whom were quite famous in their own right, sometimes rivalling her in terms of fan clubs and cults. but she didnt mind that, after all they were her creations. maybe his flavours were just a fad, and would pass.
she smiled to herself thinking of the debates that went on in her name, the ones she triggered through her creations, mostly because she was not a public figure (she believed her work spoke for itself and did not warrant public appearances) and therefore, an easy subject to speculative minds. sometimes, in a particularly naughty mood, she would hint that she was not a woman, but a man; sometimes even say that she was not one, but a set of entities.
she was sure her latest creation would also be a bestseller, just like all the ones before. and like all the ones before, there would be reactions ranging from love to hate, anger to awe, and despair to hope, and they would use her name again, in vain or in a lighter vein – ‘GOD’!!

until next time, dont lose your character!!

Next Blog >>

There have been a few times where i have pressed that particular button on the top right corner..most times curious whether i would find somebody from my list as the next blog.. that would be a good random experience/ coincidence, isnt it?
these travels take me to blogs of various kinds, many of them in languages i cant understand.. some of them with the regular blogger templates and others in which people have put in a lot of effort on the template and customised it totally… but the majority of those blogs usually have zilch visitors, and mind you, some of them are quite good… and again, many of these have been around for quite some time..i wonder what motivates them to keep on writing..
frankly, inspite of the ‘i write for myself’ philosophy, i couldnt dream of sustaining the blog if none of you guys commented… i guess its a matter of mindset – expectations from the blog… i think the reason why blogger has that button has some similarity with my reason for blogging..a search for people who think like me, well maybe not like me, but think something that will interest me..
the reason for this discourse, you ask? a certain aquatic lifeform :) commented sometime back that the ‘right clique’ was growing.. i started off a reply and realised that it was a postable thought.. and in these desperate times, when, like bollywood, good subjects are so hard to come by, such thoughts are precious..hehe..well, the reasons why the clique is changing – adding blogs that interest me, linking back people who are kind enough to link me, deleting blogs which are confirmed to be inactive (i’m sure hek will be back soon :) ), deleting blogs whose content do not appeal anymore (extremely rare cases), deleting blogs whose owners wouldn’t mind me taking them off. in fact, i would go a step further, they wouldn’t know i put them here, so they wouldnt know i took them off either..hehe.
so thats why the list keeps changing… because though all blogs are special places, those on my list are extra special to me..
until next time, specialise ;)

Darna Mana hai / 2

the title because it has been inspired by RGV’s ‘Darna mana hai’.. 6 stories, one ending..here we have only 3, but all have the same ending..
Story 1 : Shot of a young chap grinning from ear to ear as he greets his old friends at a night club…A red car cuts a screeching turn as its driver competes with an old lady for the same parking space. Our hero stops the roughneck, starts a conversation. Looking lost, the driver tries to recognise our hero. Stalling for time, our hero continues with the conversation by complimenting his friend on his biceps. Finally he says, “Hai na Bunty?” But the tough guy turns out to be someone else! By this time… the old lady deftly glides her car into the parking lot much to the chagrin of the roughneck. He goes back to his friends who compliment him. zoom to his face, he says…


Story 2: An award nite for ads. The winning company’s top exec goes on stage to pick up the award, while the team looks on. Once on stage, he beckons to the team to join him on the stage. teamspirit… and how does boss celebrate, zoom to his face, he says…

Story 3 : he held on for as long as he could. finally he walked painful steps to the teacher and whispered something to her. sadist that she was, the 2nd standard class teacher looked at her watch, 20 minutes left for close of class. she told him, “only 20 minutes left, wait”he refused to give up, and looked pleadingly at her.
*a rare moment of understanding*.
she said “okay , go, but come back soon!”. as he stood in the loo, and felt a wave of relief, zoom to his face, he says…

The ending
“number 1, mera number 1″

ever since i saw McDowell’s surrogate advertising, this one was coming!!
until next time, hold on to your high spirits.

Leaving on a jetplane

Son: I’ll be leaving soon
Dad: Where? Why?
S: I’ve figured out my career plans
D: thats good news, so i guess you must’ve chosen your college
S: Yes
D: you almost scared me, hope you have chosen someplace nearby, so you can come home often
S: thats what i wanted to speak to you about, i want to go abroad
D: abroad!! i think i know where… but why? you have the best places to study here.
S: maybe, but it helps to have a global perspective.
D: but what about your culture, religion.. you are at an age when you can be easily influenced by their thoughts, customs
S: that could happen here too, and i guess, it already is..
D: yes, but there you hardly have any relatives, there’s no one to watch out for you
S: thats how we learn, dad!! besides what about all those cousins of mine, i thought you were quite proud of them, the way you used to go on with ‘how well that boy is doing now..” besides thats the most happening market now.
D: its all just a phase, a fantasy waiting to be shattered and what if you end up like one of your illustrious cousins, marrying one of them?! your mom would die of a broken heart!!
S: Dad, you are just letting your imagination run wild. as for the shattering,they have been saying that for decades now!!
D: maybe, but i dont think the locals take kindly to us going there and taking away their jobs.
S: its just survival , dad.. whoever gets it done cheaper!! and look at the scene here, unemployment is rampant!!
D: but we are improving, nowadays they say that cutting edge tech work gets done here…
S: no, dad, thats what everyone thinks, but the real action gets done there.. its certainly our guys, but despite whatever we claim, we still only have a miniscule share of the software pie!! and who knows, maybe i’ll come back here and work..
D: thats what they all say, but they end up settling there… they even have a term for it – brain drain!!
S: the job is a decision i shall take later, but i have decided, i am going to India!!

a conversation i hope will happen in the US,a few decades from now!

until next time, remember that a broad isnt everything!!

Losing the marbles

“You didnt reply to my letter”,said the younger one, A.
“which one?”, the elder, M, responded.
A: the one in which i questioned some decisions taken at the sports club’s last meeting on the marbles.
M: i had asked the club secretary to respond. as president, i dont have time to reply to all the letters that come to me. and if you wanted to tell me something, you could have spoken, instead of sending a letter.
A: maybe, but a letter from the vice president of the club is not exactly any letter,specially when the subject is the last meeting and the decisions taken then. and more so, if the decision has to do with the marbles, our principal assets.
M: i was only putting the rights i already had, on paper.
A: thats arguable.
M: Dad had always said that the elder son, thats me, would be in control, though the ownership is for both of us. ask ma.
(Ma: dont involve me. your dad started the club and ran it. i have no idea about its activities.)
A: which means i’ll have no say in any decision on the marbles.
M: not so, just that i will be taking the final decison
A: but many of the marbles are doing well now because of my efforts.
M: maybe, but they wouldnt be anything now without the entire set. stand alone, their value would crash in a jiffy.
A: your itch isnt about the sports club at all, is it? its about me standing for the school election and getting elected.
M: i dont even want to talk about it. you didnt even ask me for an opinion. and if you were so interested in the club activities and playing with marbles, you wouldnt be in school politics. i bet that silly girlfriend of your must be the brain behind it,since she’s into the cultural scene herself.
A: my intention was only to get more support for the club activities at the school. and ifyou were so interested in my life and activities at the club, you would have ventured an opinion without me asking for it. and i dont think you need to bring my girlfriend into this. in any case, yours was also very much into dance till recently!!
M: whats the point discussing all this now? what do you want from me?
A: either more powers as VP of the club or independent control of the marbles whose reputation i built.
M: the board will have to decide that.
A: whats the use, since dad’s death, you have been playing around, garnering votes. now, many of the old guys have left, and the rest are your puppets.
M: thats an unjust accusation.
A: i think i will have to move in other ways to get whats rightfully mine.
M: thats your wish.
The vultures were waiting and this was when they decided to come to the party. As one onlooker put it, after the founding father’s death, it was only a matter of time before the sons lost their marbles, literally!!

until next time, keep playing games…