Monthly Archives: July 2006

Prince to star in RGV’s film

In a fitting climax to the tale that started on 21st Jul, Prince, the boy who got stuck in a tubewell while playing with friends, and thereby got the nation’s audience to get stuck on to the picture tube with timely assistance from various news channels, has been signed on by the famed Bollywood director Ram Gopal Varma.

Prince, who is thrilled about his meteoric rise in popularity after his relatively smaller fall, has already received grants from the state and central governments of Rs. 2 lakh each. In addition, a couple of news channels have also promised him a sum of Rs. 7 lakhs.
In an exclusive interview, Prince has expressed his happiness at being signed on by RGV, ” I am extremely thrilled at this opportunity. After the incident, everything in my life is suddenly falling into place. I had immense faith in God and the media, and i always knew that there would be a lightat the end of the tunnel. I cant talk about the film details as Ramuji has asked me not to, but i am undergoing a fitness programme to get back into shape. You see, i was fed a lot of milk, chocolate,biscuits etc during my ordeal, and over two days, i had become a bit too fat. In fact that was what had made the rescue a bit difficult.”
When asked if he was concerned about the fact that RGV dropped his actors after hyping them, he had this to say, “He does so only if they dont fall into line with his thinking. But that wont be a problem for me since i have proven my falling skills.”
RGV, who makes no bones of his obsession for Mumbai’s underworld and its characters, has confirmed the news, and was more forthcoming in an interview. “Yes, its true that i have signed on Prince. I am planning to make a prequel to my film “D”, which was a prequel to my earlier film “Company. I will be tracing the making of a criminal from his childhood days. Because of Prince’s close brush with the underworld at such a tender age, i feel he is ably suited to play the character. In fact, i have boiled down to a couple names for the film – Three’s Company (since this is the third episode), or e (C for company, then D, and so… also i might be releasing it only on the internet. I am already in talks with You Tube for that.). I have also got the rights from the English rockband Dire straits for their song ‘Tunnel of Love’, ‘How Deep is your love’ by Take That, ‘Falling into You’ by Celine Dion and ‘Deeper Underground’ by Jamiroquai, which will all be used in the film. Talks are also on with Deep Purple and Deep Blue something for more songs. Shooting will start any time now.”

News has just arrived that RGV already has signed Prince for the remake, as he expects the original to get panned by the critics.
until next time, Prince, how charming…
Disclaimer: This work is just a product of the author’s imagination, except for the money and the Food and beverage bit.

Carry on Doctor

Any of you remember the ‘Carry on’ series? Old stuff, but used to get repeated on the movie channels, till the ‘latest movie on your screen’ wars began… Hilarious stuff, made you laugh till your jaw hurt… Only, my jaw started hurting a few days back without me laughing..
now, i usually treat myself pretty well (yes, very funny, i knew that was coming) with the regular stuff available in medical stores, but this one proved a bit too complicated, particularly since i had a lot of (cliche/wisecrack) reasons thrown at me… like
Me: My jaw hurts, at the junction of the ear and the jaw
Friend: Judging by your intelligence, your wisdom tooth is long overdue
or
Me: Am not sure if its a wisdom tooth or an ear infection
Colleague: yup, all that empty space in between, something’s bound to happen..
Another Colleague: Hear hear!!

Yup, i do get plenty of help, and anyways, after trying out simple home remedies like Crocin, Iodex at the joint and an innovative method of rubbing amrutanjan on an earbud and poking it into places where no bud has gone before, i gave up and decided to take some professional help…And the doc was the biggest wisecracker of them all…
Unlike the modern day, cold, “show me the money” kind, this was an older, wiser doc with the most cheerful disposition i have seen from a man still at work at 8 pm on a Friday night…So from asking me whether i had recently encountered any nuts that were tough to crack, and almost making me believe that i should sneeze with my mouth closed, inspite of the risk of my eyes popping out (which he assured me could be done) he kept me entertained …
And if he had any inkling of the real reason my jaw hurt, this might have been the conversation…
Doctor: you know, its good to learn early in your marriage to treat your wife with care.
Me: Agree Doctor, but why…
Doctor: The junction at the beginning of the jawbone is very sensitive….
until next time, dont drop your jaws…

Item Bomb

Rakhi Sawant created a stir of sorts by announcing that she would be championing the cause of freedom of expression after the recent site banning controversy. When asked whether this was just another publicity stunt, she had this to say,
“Ever since Aamir took up the Narmada cause, i have been looking for issues to raise. It is only now that i have got something meaty enough to hold my attention. It is not my intention to blow anything out of proportion, but some things need to be done to lift the morale of the poor bloggers who have been affected. In any case i dont have any realeases planned soon, so why would i want any cheap publicity? “
When asked how she was qualified to tackle such a relatively geeky issue like blogs, she responded thus,
“It has nothing to do with technology. It is the principle of the whole thing. I have been avictim of the authorities curtailing my freedom of expression, whether its on screen or on stage. And so i feel i am well qualified to do these kind of exposes before the public.”
When asked whether she knew common blogger concepts like RSS feeds, she quickly shot back,
“Of course, they are one of the principal reasons why i am supporting the cause. It was the same guys who were feeding the media during my stage show which caused so much of a controversy. They should stick to politics and not do moral policing.”
She terminated the interview abruptly when a reporter asked whether she preferred Type Pad,
“This is the problem with media people. You give them some freedom, and they start asking you personal questions. It is none of your business what……”

until next time, only item, no bomb!!
Disclaimer: This work is just a product of the author’s imagination.

The Day the World changed

He experienced the first attack in his own route, in his own regular starting point… he was lucky not to be scarred for life… his mind was in a turmoil, it had never happened to him, he had heard about such things happening in other parts of the world, and to other people, but this was his regular haunt, a place that was almost a second home to him, where he spent time everyday..it couldnt happen here…
he blinked and looked around to see if he had been dreaming.. a few glances and a couple of questions later, he was sure that it was very real indeed.. but he was still in denial.. he tried calling a couple of people or sending sms.. he partially succeeded and got in touch with guys from other locations as well as guys further ahead on his own travel route.. it was happening everywhere, and everyone was affected…
he didnt quite know what to do.. honestly he wasnt prepared for this kind of stuff, and he wanted answers.. who had done this, more importantly why… he got the answers a while later – LeT, SIMI, and this was only a reaction.. but hell, how in the world was he connected, what had he done to deserve this… he, along with all the others who had been affected, was just going about his life..he didnt know who to blame and how to react… of course, he could join the entire gang and condemn and send mails and demand explanations, but the damage had been done…
but there was something he could do, he promised himself that when it was all over, he would visit every single person he had been acquainted to in his route, and tell them how much he feared for them while all this was happening, and how much he missed reading them…so from cynic and anz and aqua to the monk and joe and everyone in between, i am dropping into share the grief we all went through :)
7/17 shall always be remembered as the day when our worlds collapsed..

until next time, as if writer’s blocks werent enough!!

Live and LeT live

And we have finally boiled it down to the usual suspects – SIMI (wonder why MTV is not doing one on her this time) and the Lashkar-e-Toiba (LeT)..Not that its going to help anybody’s cause, but it does give a target for finger pointing and ‘strongly condemning’..ouch, that would hurt a lot more than being dead or injured in a blast.
I have always been against the American use of muscle power in afghanistan and iraq, because it was behaving like a school bully… but in a weird way, it makes some sense, because there havent been any attacks there since 9/11… for two strikes from the US of A have made it extremely clear that if you mess with them, there will be hell to pay…
Consider this for a moment, if the D company were even remotely involved in the 9/11 strike, and Pakistan was known to have been hiding them, Mush and his country would have been so roughly handled that they would have parted company with D just like that…
Once just once, we should use all those stuff that we keep launching once in while, and parading every year, on our dear neighbour, because it might just stop this annual blast they seem to be having at our expense… then we can do the buses and the samjhauta expresses all over again…
no, its never going to happen, because we have more cheeks from where the first two came from..and we wont even do anything to people inside this country even if we found them responsible,for we are a proudly secular nation, inspite of it having gained us zilch all this while.. and we will suffer and we will live, even at the cost of LeT living…

until next time, peace and pieces…

Having a Blast

Thats definitely a sadistic approach to the entire thing, but thats unfortunately the way i feel about it… and since i am the only citizen journalist on this blog, i need to be the one to express it this way..
From what i notice, the government and everyone else involved definitely have a machinery and a process in place for this kind of stuff.. exactly 2 minutes after the first incident, there will be a PR person somewhere busily setting the trend and in effect saying ‘Let the blames begin’… this will of course be followed by ‘eminent’ personalities like Javed Akhtar and Shabana Azmi doing a song and dance about it… and then comes, as if on cue, the fitting rejoinders from the people affected… the media, all the while, is having a field day, because finally there is actual news to capture, from theories on who pressed the button to graphic visuals of the dead and injured to preventive action to astrologers who had predicted this… of course, towards the end, you will have tales of heroes… we will salute them and honour them, we will play the blame game and fix on a commonly acceptable target.. and we will do what irritates me most, Mumbai will bask in the glory of a city that can spring back to action irrespective of what happens to it… well, damn it, the reason is because Mumbai has so many people that even a few lakhs lost wouldnt make a dent onthe rest who have not been affected….
and its not just for the blasts, its the same for the floods too.. in fact, the floods are an annual event now, like ganesh chaturthi or something.. i propose that mumbai should celebrate ganesh chaturthi when the flood happens, so they dont have to go the sea for immersion, it could be done in their houses.. so you dont waste time at all.. and someone like a makemytrip should arrange boat cruises, after all does mumbai ever let a moneymaking opportunity go by..
why am i not happy on mumbai springing back? i would be much happier if it was declared a holiday and people were encouraged to help those affected by the tragedy.. that wouldnt be a money making proposition, but it will inculcate what used to be called compassion, and if that were around more, maybe we wouldnt have blasts, and the floods would become a bit more tolerable… no amount of money can bring back the dead, no, compassion cant either, but it definitely can help heal the wound faster…so, is the spirit of mumbai such a great thing? of course, because, the spirit is money, and the spirit costs a bomb!!

until next time, it isnt just an alternate train of thought…

World Chup

Yup, fnally, after a month long rollercoaster ride of ecstasy, agony, joy, sorrow, and skimpily attired female fans who gave rise to myriad other emotions that transcended geographical boundaries, the world has awakened to a day after the world cup… its exactly like the day after any mela, when all the crowds and the small shopkeepers have left, and the grounds are empty, not yet ready to start the countdown for the next show…
for a month now, a lot of people across the world have been glued to their television screens, watching the drama unfold.. a lot of people, not all, because there were some like me.. i watched only the england – portugal match just in time to see Rooney being shown a redcard for kicking a ball (actually, two, thats why he got sent off).. and while the world was chanting ZZ, i was going ZZZZ… but yes, most of the world ate,drank slept football..
the newspapers were writing about the social impact also, as old friends who had no interest in football were forsaken, new friendships forged, and loads of other games were played all in one big frenzy thats the FIFA world cup…in a sense, its the story of our lives, because if we get down to the nuts and bolts, all of us are living our lives in anticipation of something, it could be as simple as going home in the evening, a good dinner, the release of a music album or film, or an F1 race or as complex as getting a new job, getting married, having a kid..
and when the moment passes, theres a feeling thats quite like the empty grounds.. an eerie silence that says that the free kick is over, and its time to move on… and we move, and wait for the next one, hoping that it will be as good as or better than the last one..

until next time, hope, skip and jump, thats the way forward…

Bloody Grandfathers

Most of us regularly use profanities in our conversations.. okay, if not on a regular basis, at least occasionally.. yes, technically ‘shit’ is also a profanity..and the usage is tolerated much more these days, in public places as well as in homes… if not accepted, at least tolerated…
Have always wondered whether the generation above had so many swear words at their disposal, or ever used any of those regularly.. and since its not exactly conversation material, have never managed to find out.. even considering the limited amount they must have had, wonder how many of them actually used it often enough for it to become a habit… which cannot be said of our generation..
and therefore, while our generation hasnt seen many grandparents/parents who swear at their grandchildren, i wonder if it will become an accepted thing when this generation becomes grandparents… … or is it that in all generations, there is an age for profanity and there is an age for maturity.. perhaps it is one of the infinite lessons of life you will have to learn when your time comes…
until next time, i swear it might be true…