Please find detached

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ~ Viktor E. Frankl

This quote has been a favourite since I first read it, and creating that space is something that I not only constantly try to work on, but also write about – the challenges and the learning. However, this post is on a tangent – what if we delay the stimulus itself? Yes, I admit it’s quite impossible to do that with people, but what about consumption in general? Given that we are now debating the direction(s) of the ‘arrow of time’, there’s no better time to discuss that space. After all, in my consumption, I am what is called the ‘observer’, and I’m the one creating the moment of interaction.

That wouldn’t be a problem, except for the increasing dominance of the urgent over the important. Seth Godin had a very interesting post titled “Spectator sports” about how we have taken the discourse around things of significance to the level of spectator sports because we can “vent without remorse.” A longer read in context is Helen Boaden’s commentary on the state of journalism as she retires from BBC Radio. The devices, features and services popping up around me indicate that ephemerality is trending upward. Think about the cycle – watch something live on TV, tweet about it/post on FB/Whatsapp, someone has a comment, a discussion ensues, and somehow inexplicably reaches generic areas of conflict like religion or liberalism (a variation of Godwin’s law, if you will) before the next cycle starts. Rinse, repeat. Did we have a discussion aimed at understanding each others’ perspective and expanding a worldview? More often than not, not! 

The significance of immediacy is being exaggerated in most cases, and that causes me to lose perspective. I am caught up in the moment, but in things that really aren’t that significant in the larger scheme of my life. In my can-want-need framework, the ‘can’ items. So what’s a way out? “Living asynchronously” is an excellent way of framing it. (via @Praval. Thanks!) While that article focuses on work and productivity, my interest is more in terms of ensuring that if being in the ‘moment’ is what matters, then  I should ensure that I set up moments well, and will not be distracted by things not significant enough in the larger context of life. Reaching the flow state is then a pleasant side effect.

I have a few ways in which I delay the stimulus. I don’t watch the news. I subscribe to a variety of newsletters though, and spend 10 minutes on city news and Bollywood gossip on Bangalore Mirror. Netflix is my ‘television’ consumption. Most of my Whatsapp groups are on mute. Is communicating with people a good thing? Yes, but it doesn’t need to be done all the time. I prune my social accounts all the time, and my updates are not really frequent. I don’t buy things because they are new/on sale, I buy if I need it, and give myself the occasional time and/or money leeway for ‘wants’ that I have identified – books, travel, blogging, eating out. I have realised that it’s (also) a great way to mitigate, if not avoid what is called “lifestyle creep“. (more) A consumer version of a more profound thought. 🙂

via

The learning has been that delaying the stimulus does have advantages, because the response is relatively free from the constraints of urgency. Additionally, informed choices seem built in because of the time lapse. Does the approach have challenges? Of course, like all good things. Largely, it’s in the form of expectations from others, and one’s own self image. But in the long run, I am betting that it’s worth it in terms of quality of relationships, economics of time and money and most importantly, one’s own growth as a human being. Thus, for now, the default setting is “please find detached.”

P.S. While at it, Andrew Sullivan’s “I used to be a human being” is an excellent long read.

P.P.S Quite interesting that this is post #2000. I must be quite attached to the blog! 😉